When little You-Know-Who was brutally murdered, she wasn't the only one to lose a life. Hundreds of seemingly ordinary and not-so ordinary people around the planet gradually metamorphosed into obsessive freaks continually ruminating over every detail of her murder. Long after the general public's prurient interest had drifted elsewhere, these souls were just settling into their places in yet another sad subculture in the long history of dead people fan clubs and hobby conspiracy theorists, with the new world wide sideshow of the internet providing a welcoming home. They're out there in cyber-ozone now, trying to find anagrams in the "ransom note."

Though absolutely nothing new has emerged in the years that have passed, even the mainstream press can't resist exhuming the whole pathetic tale every now and then in pictorial postmortems. A morbid nostalgia has set in that can be profitably tapped every few years. Many of those who have become emotionally dependent on this murder can't face the idea that sometimes awful questions remain unanswered forever, no matter how much how many want them answered. Instead, they've created a myth of a noble cause in which they can play some role. Life tries to imitate television.

So listen, death buffs: what's-his-name's perfect book is now in the remainder bins. You are not Angela Lansbury. Give it a rest!

A lot of turkeys die during the holidays, but there can't be too many that are beaten to death with a pool cue. Luis Contreras, 21, of Longmont was arrested Christmas morning for inflicting massive injuries on his girlfriend's family's pet turkey. Police found a roomful of kids gathered around the bleeding and fatally injured bird. Contreras, who had downed a 12-pack, was already on probation for slamming his girlfriend's umbrella cockatoo against a wall in another drinking incident. That bird survived.

At present, Mondo Boulder remains unaware of the disposition of the assorted animal cruelty and obstruction charges against Contreras, so we can at least still hope this wild turkey will be caged for awhile. Here's some free advice for the bird-bashing bad boy: Get help! The next time Contreras feels the urge to bash a bird, he should put down the beer can and speak with someone who understands the downside of bird abuse. He can dial KBPI-FM (303) 713-8000, and talk turkey with reformed chicken abuser Stephen Meade.