An Adventure in Alternative Journalism

  
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      When Lapis went missing, her Boulder owner did the usual: she posted fliers, placed classified ads, offered a reward.

Yet for nearly two months, only false leads turned up. Then came the call. Lapis had been found at the home of a family 3,000 miles away in in the Yukon, in Canada! Eventually, after a long airline trip that included a diversion to San Francisco, Lapis and owner were reunited.

On arriving at her Boulder home, a shocked Lapis found a "cute Persian kitten called Panda" living there. Bummer.

The official explanation, as reported in the Camera: Lapis supposedly "hitched a ride on a truck."

  
           
 

Lapis, or...?

        
             
         
          
  Could this all be a carefully-orchestrated disinformation campaign? This disturbing question led Mondo Boulder to meet with sources familiar with the shadowy cat-and-mouse world of feline intelligence. They spoke with us only on condition that we scratch their ears and rub their soft underbellies. (So what would an "overbelly" be, anyhow?) Here is their story:

"Lapis" was probably first approached by agents of the Boulderian Counter-Intuitive Agency (CIA) while on a mouse-hunting trip in Boulderian open space. She was recruited, trained and left to function as a "sleeper" (an espionage term for an agent that takes a lot of naps). Then, in April, she was dropped into Canada to gather information on Canadian invasion plans. -->

    
             
  Though She landed on her feet as she always does, "Lapis's" identity was probably discovered almost immediately by agents of Canadian World Domination soon after her arrival. Mondo Boulder's informants believe the Canadians then put a daring plan in motion: they would replace "Lapis" with a Canadian mole! (or maybe a vole, they have those in Canada).

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  Boulderian CIA operatives, however, became suspicious and diverted "Lapis" to San Francisco, where they undoubtedly succeeded in "turning" her, hoping to feed false information back to the Nucks. Mondo Boldo's informants point as proof to "the Persian" whom they claim is in reality a very small Iranian cat-burgler in a kitten suit.

The mystery only deepened with the sudden retirement of a prominent University of Colorado film studies professor and the headline in the Doily:

PROMINENT FILM-
MAKER GOING INTO
'EXILE' IN CANADA

Lapis' recruiter? Ringleader? A tangled ball of twine, indeed!

But regardless, the question remains: Where is the real Lapis?

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